Your Wandering Farm Country Doctor Prescribes Vitamin “P” as the Salve for Early Onset Winter Blues: Pumpkins, Picking, and Pranayamadonutta.

DO NOT BE ASHAMED, Dear Farmketeer.  You are not alone.  Many people feel it.  We fray as the days fly south.  Sleep gets spotty.  Good people run scared.  Farmers, in particular, have mountains of seasonal work to do – but less daylight to squeeze it in.  Snowbirds escape; the rest must accept.

But we have each other.  And Edgar.  Yes, Farm Fans, the Dubious Doctor is in town on his country rounds, ministering to orchard misfits and ‘Creekniks in need.  After expounding on recent developments in the literature – whether it is medical literature is anyone’s guess – the Southern Surgeon continues his crusade against Big Farma by offering a simple prescription in his gentle Pennsyltucky drawl, “Vitamin P is the man for what ails ye.  Copious quantities and don’t hold back.”
P is for PICKING!  Mutsu apples.  As big as pumpkins.  Many of you have been waiting for this moment.  The Mutsu is known as the “oven buster” in the small English town of Pocklington.  The old ladies say you pick a big Mutsu, pop it in the oven, and out comes a snack for two.  Tea time, puppet!  These are famously versatile for fresh eating and pies.

P is for PUTTING UP.  Get Cortland apples on sale for only $1 per pound.  At over 40% off, that’s perfect for putting up lots of sauce!  You can pick them yourself on yellow ribbon trees in the Vintage Orchard, or simply get the ones we picked at the farm stand.  Beautiful and versatile Cortland apples are delicious for SNACKS, wonderful for SAUCE, perfect for lunch boxes and SALADS because they don’t brown quickly.

P is for PICKING.  Splendour apples.  A popular dessert apple in New Zealand, where it was developed.   Stores well in the fridge, but take care when handling as they bruise easily.  Pick Splendour in Row 17. 

P is for PUMPKINS.  Bowie has found his dream pumpkin.  Will you come find yours?  You can find them right at the farm stand or out in the pumpkin patch by the Brussels sprouts.  Pricing for each pumpkin is 55¢ a pound (< 5 lbs), 45¢ a pound (5-15 lbs), or 35¢ a pound (>15 lbs).

P is for PRANAYAMADONUTTA – the ancient yoga practice of breathing mindfully between donuts.  In the asana shown above, called Downward Facing Donut, first you inhale a donut, then exhale, then inhale another donut.  Come on, yogis, you got this!  We will support you in your practice Saturday and Sunday 10 AM to 6 PM.

P is for PLACEBO.  Pick Brussels Sprouts.  When nothing else seems to work, reach for the magic potion of placebo.  Placebo comes from the Latin word placebo meaning “I shall please.”  Indeed you shall please your mind and body with these nutrition bombs.  Who knows if they are actually good for you, we are not doctors.  They just feel good.  And each year they appear just in time, as if by some master plan.  Note that the Dubious Doctor cautions us:  “Kittens in the doghouse don’t make em puppies.”  That’s his way of saying better to face reality.  But he pops a sprout in his mouth as a chaser to this puzzling pronouncement.

P is for PLAYGROUND.  Here we have a child monk practicing tractor yoga.  This advanced asana, called The Exorcist, is not to be attempted until just before enlightenment.  Someone get the holy water.  Ommmmm.

P is for CIDER.  That’s right, Goody Two Shoes, we make the rules around here and P stands for cider.  Orchard Ambrosia is fresh PRESSED with a capital P every week and sometimes several times a week like when YOU DRANK 100 GALLONS last Saturday.  Farmer Steve himself had to drag ass down to the cider press first thing Sunday morning to make more.  You people are insannnnneeee for cider.

P is for PICKUP YOUR CARBOY.  First drop it off at the farm stand – inside the wooden doors that say “Do Not Enter, Employees Only.”  Write your name and phone on the bottle somewhere.  We will give you a buzz (ahem) after we fill it at the next pressing.  Price is $8/gallon which drops to $7/gallon when you order more than 5 gallons.  Now’s the time.  Do not wait.  Apples will be gone.

P is for PRETTY EFFING CUTE.  Your Farmketeer of the Week for October 12, 2017, is little Eloise.  And ain’t she sweet?  Come back anytime, kid, the world is your pumpkin.

P is for PLEASE & THANK YOU.  Please read this short message from the Underwood Family – that’s Farmer Dusky and Alder and Kelsey and Henry.  They grew their first corn crop this year, and you Farmketeers snarfed it up.  Dusky says,  “We would like to thank you all so much for trying out our sweet corn this year!  It was a long and hard process during our first season of growing.  We learned so much and can’t wait until next season so we can do it even better!  Thank you for being there while we figured everything out.  We look forward to seeing you around the farm.  Thank you!”

P is for PRAYER.  No force on earth can stop the exodus of photons, the huge flocks of light particles that are flapping off to the south.  But we can do like Fe Fe and send heartfelt beseachments to the meowniverse.  “Please send the light back when it pleases thee, O Mysterious Cosmic Furball.”

P is for PARTY.  Many of you have asked about the Pigs-n-Apples Party of a few years ago.  It was deliciously fun but an awful lot of barely controlled chaos for us farmers at harvest time.  We hope to bring it back one day.  We did host one little soiree:  Eve’s Cidery and The Piggery joined us for a glorious fall evening of boutique, farm chic, Finger Lakes agriculinary edutainment.  Great to see 30 of you round the table taking a genuine interest in cider production and apple growing.
Meanwhile you can INVITE US to all the parties you want to throw.  That would be most welcome!  “Rage, rage against the dying of the light,” cried Dylan Thomas.  “And take your Vitamin P,” cries the Doctor.  Is he a charlatan shaman of the utmost depravity?  Take your medicine and see.  Hope to see you at The ‘Creek.

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