DEAR FARMKETEER: You could continue to be an average lover. Yes, like millions before you, you could send roses to your sweetheart every Hallmark holiday. You could leave a trail of chocolate bon-bons from the bedside to the breakfast nook, where Aruba tickets are tucked under the eggs Benedict. You could even sneak new a Mercedes Benz into the driveway, wrapped in red ribbons (diamond earrings on the keychain!) for an autumnal morning surprise. These techniques are all part of being average. Would you like to go from average to awesome?
You must learn to make a Love Apple. We can show you how. We do it every day. We can do it with our eyes closed. You might even say it is WHAT we do. We are farmers, growing Love Apples. Sowing love and growing love. Magic orbs of eros jumping off the trees. (Squeezed weekly into unpasteurized Orchard Ambrosia – Nectar of the Gawds!)
Put an apple in your armpit. Let it soak. Send it to the apple of your eye who will savor the fragrance. This was called a Love Apple in Elizabethan England, according to zoologist Desmond Morris, who describes the practice in The Naked Woman: A Study of the Female Body. The apple should be peeled for best absorption, but we are showing fully clothed apples as this is a family channel. (Important note! It is still tomato season here at The ‘Creek, so please do not confuse the Love Apple with a love apple.)
You couldn’t make this stuff up. And you don’t have to. It is true historical fact according to our friend at Eve’s Cidery who read the book. Of course, history is written by the victors; to the victors go the spoils; and, from the spoils comes the… compost. So pick an old apple off a tree – the scabbier and mushier the better – place it in your armpit, and thereby complete the circle of life, love, and decomposition.
May we recommend starting with Vintage Apples – Mac and Cortland – straight out of history? Big sale! Now is your chance to pick the classic varieties McIntosh and Cortland in our Vintage Orchard for less than 99¢ a pound. Here’s how it works. It’s a big weekday u-pick apple sale through Friday, September 20, 2019. Ends tomorrow if you are reading this today. Fill a peck bag for only $10. Should should work out to 10+ pounds. Thus you would pay less than $1 per pound which sounds even better when rounded down to 99¢. Report to the farm stand to get the special bag and map, and we will direct you to the Vintage Orchard where you can hunt for orange ribbons (Mac) and yellow ribbons (Cortland). Easy picking. But note! The bag is $10 whether you fill it or not, so fill it up and it will work out to sweet savings – perhaps less than $1 per pound when it is normally $2.25! This sudden sale applies only to u-pick McIntosh and Cortland apples. Don’t wait til the weekend for love. Get your Vintage Orchard Love Apples before Friday COB.
May we recommend also trying Honeycrisp? Pairs well with donuts. That would be the “Love Apple Plus” package. Only recommended for glutenicious suitors. This is probably the final weekend of major Honeycrisp picking.
How about Gala, Autumn Crisp, Jonamac (pictured), and others? Apple season is in full swing now. Monday is the autumnal equinox. New apple varieties will ripen each week. They come and go. Pick your favorites and try new ones.
Gala apples in the “Love Apple Plus PLUS Package.“ A smashing Dutch apple pie by @naturally.hungry.
Apple and raisin bread with spiced apple butter. Yes, please @redkettlebb! Hello over there in Watkins Glen.
No running by the pool – but please run to the orchard! The Mac & Cortland sale is only through Friday, and Honeycrisps will get heavily picked this weekend. Thank you, heather.abril, for the action shot.
U-pick peaches are kicked. U-pick pears are hosed. But don’t fret. Just switch gears to apple picking. You can do it. Thanks for the inspiration @studiofortehenna.
New this week! Cal’s gourmet radishes at the farm stand. French breakfast – tender, white and red, crunchy, mild spice, best raw eating radish. Sora – classic, reliable round red radish. Watermelon radish – later season, hearty, spicy, green rind with bright pink center, great for roasting, pickling, shredding into salads. Five color mix – yellow, white, burgundy, pink, and red. Roast them. Make quick pickles for a piquant addition to tacos, burritos, salads. And everyone loves a raw radish. You might not know it yet, but you do too!
If you want to meet some of the Love Apple armpits, come to dinner at Eve’s Cidery. You are invited Thursday, October 3, at 6:00 PM. Dine with the cider makers, Chef Brad Marshall from The Piggery, and special guest, Author Jason Wilson. Please see the menu and sign up for this six-course farm-to-table cider dinner hosted in Van Etten. Your ticket includes dinner, drinks, and a signed copy of Jason’s new book that covers so many familiar businesses in our burgeoning regional cider scene. Last chance, only 4 tickets left!
Love to y’all. Hope to see you at The ‘Creek.