LOYAL FARMKETEERS, we are going to be straight with you in this week’s Crop Alert. None of our customary gobbledygook. No cheap Photoshop pranks. Just the facts of the case, so to speak.
But first, we will ask you to don your mutsu helmets. It is that time of year. The mutsu apples are about to start jumping.
They are huge apples, and it is a huge crop. These pumpkin-sized paragons of the apple kingdom will clonk you good.
And we are already getting clonked by huge crops in the Dwarf Orchard and Vintage Orchard. So, the huge news is…
Only 50¢ per pound for u-pick apples—any variety on the farm! That is a savings of a billion percent. This weekend and next.
Why such a drastic campaign? The farm boss put it plain: “We are 10% under-customerized for our current apple crop.”
You won’t hear that in the executive wing of Apple, Inc. It is advanced farmspeak for, “A crap-ton of apples is breaking our branches!”
You all have done a superb job picking. But the historic crop can’t be shouldered by Farmketeers alone. So we’ve postered 52 places.
We are being relentless small-time apple hustlers. There are also pumpkins a-plenty, u-pick Brussels sprouts, and buckets of cider.
During the weekend sale, there will even be free wagon rides, weather permitting, from 11 AM to 5 PM.
So, if you can find an excuse to come back to our podunk ranch of misfits this weekend—and pick a big bag of apples—we will wish you glorious sunsets for the rest of your days. We’ll do that anyway, but just sayin.’ Hope to see you at The ‘Creek.