PEAR-SHAPED LADS AND LADIES, now is your time to shine. You look great. All of you Bartlett Botticellis will please take center stage on the runway as we unveil our ravishing late August collection.
Ravissante! When peaches enter their final weeks and apples start percolating, pears hit their prime time—NOW!
This is the time of year when we all cross “Bartlett Bridge” from Peachtown into Appleville. Some of you will only go kicking and screaming, but stop kicking your sister or NO DONUTS when we get there! Come pick pears for only 99¢ per pound—a farmalicious savings of exactly 34.00000%!
This is also a teachable moment: You don’t let pears ripen on the tree. You pick them just before they’re ripe. Pears ripen from the inside out, and they will rot on the branch if you miss the moment. Comedian Eddie Izzard has cried in frustration: “Pears can -BLEEP- off, too, because they’re gorgeous little beasts but they’re ripe for half an hour…” (Alert: language)
So here’s what you do: Pick the pears on our signal—READY, GO! Put them in your fridge for 1 to 2 days, then ripen them at room temperature for a couple days. You can also kickstart things with the old brown bag trick. Learn about ripening pears to perfection on this page and this page.
Pick tomatoes, too! Some Grumpy Grumperson complained recently that there were no tomatoes. Farmer Allie went up to the field to investigate. She picked 75 pounds in 25 minutes from 1 quarter of 1 side of 1 row. Moral of the story: Beautiful candy-red Beefsteaks and Romas for good-tempered pickers in the 2 back rows. Thanks to 112 of you who gave us a Facebook rah-rah on this matter.