DEAR CREEKNIKS: “Tell the truth, shame the Devil.” That’s what Mom says. So we are going to give you the straight dope. Old Screwface can put THAT in his Pipe of Pain and smoke it. With a molten lava chaser. On the house.
But first… If you are not ready for a full dose of reality… You can jump right into the BIG SPRING FRUIT TREE SALE. That is our sister business, Cummins Nursery. We are the same people wearing different hats. GET 25% OFF when you buy fruit trees for spring planting! There are apples, pears, plums, and cherries. See our remaining inventory and order online, email, or call (607) 592-2801. Use coupon code SPRING25. We’ll ship your trees or you can pick them up.
Now is your chance to plant your own ‘Creek. Planting fruit trees is pretty basic. Heck, if we figured it out, so can you. It is very much like digging a hole to bury your 1982 Tupperware time capsule. Except you pop a tree in the hole instead of Journey tapes and deely bobbers. Now, during our big sale, for the price of 5 cappuccinos you can have an apple tree that gives fruit til 2077 or the apocalypse, whichever comes first.
And now the truth: We skipped sending your Fresh Crop Alert in March because we couldn’t get up the gumption to tell you what mighta coulda maybe happened to the peach and apple crops this year. We just couldn’t quite say it out loud.
Partly because we don’t totally know yet. But we’re gonna tell you this: Stuff froze dead. A lotta stuff. A greehouse winter capped off by bitter spring nights. Global warming? Perfect storming? January was hotter than the previous 1,620 months. Then it got down to 8°. Frozen fruit buds.
But you are Intrepid Farmketeers! Crack Corps of Locavores! You are not panicked. You are going to stay tuned for our next report, after a few weeks when the future unfolds. For now, we are keeping the Cropsday Clock frozen in time. See our previous issue to understand the scientific misterpiece that is the Cropsday Clock. And keep the apples in your prayers.
We are very lucky at Indian Creek. We have some of the world’s best soil for growing fruit trees — Howard’s Gravelly Loam — and auspicious airflow down the gentle post-glacial slopes. We usually have a good crop. But we never signed a contract with that dirty dealing Beelzebubbles, so there is never even the illusion of a guarantee. It’s one season at a time.
So, Farm Fans, why not plant a few fruit trees of your own? Collectively we can create an extended orchard and hedge against crop failure. GET 25% OFF when you buy now for spring planting! See our remaining inventory. There are still apple, pear, plum, and cherry trees. You can order online, or email, or call (607) 592-2801. Use coupon code SPRING25. Hope to see you at The ‘Creek.