This Apple Product Will Crush Your iPad So Bad.

WELCOME, FRUIT FANS, to the year 2013. We live in confusing times: Linsanity and Honey Boo Boo, a fiscal cliff and a bogus apocalypse. How can we clear our heads? Perhaps a picture-puzzle will help, one that reveals a timeless truth.

Let us begin. If you are you reading this on your new iPad, great. It must be an awfully nice device. Perhaps you’ve named it The Precious or Bob or Sweetie.

As you tinker on your touch screen, take note of the Cummins clan, that weird family down the street. They are digging holes in the yard again.

What the heck are they looking for? Didn’t they get the memo that earthly pleasures are found on the web, not in the earth?

Stubborn old bumpkins, digging holes with a shovel! Any iPad could do that for you. Oh, wait, your new gadget can’t dig a hole? What a pity.

What’s that you say? It can’t be left in the rain, either? You can’t spill merlot on it? You can’t hang a hammock from your iPad, or even a kiddie swing?

And you have to pay for apps? You have to keep charging it to make it work? You can’t even eat it, or squeeze it for juice?

Okay, but surely your gadget gets better with time, right? In 20 years, will Precious be just another Orange Julius in the Food Court of history?

Aye, she will be. Gone and forgotten. But how about those Cumminses: Will their wacky idea be fruitless and forgotten?

No, ma’am, they are planting a tree. An apple tree, raised from a twig at Cummins Nursery, right here on the back acres of Indian Creek Farm.

It is one of 30,000 baby fruit trees that we raise every year, designed specifically for yards like yours. Over 400 varieties.

You can plant one, too. The apples range from Akane to Zestar. Or you can grow Honeycrisp, the trendy (if a little barren, culturally) favorite of soccer moms.

Our apple products beat Apple™ products in head-to-head tests. They don’t freeze like an iPad or butt-dial like an iPhone.

And the savings are amazing. For less than 20 bucks, you can have your dream tree. You can buy a whole orchard for the price of one iPad. But, best of all…

Voila! Bingo! Booyah! Your tree comes preinstalled with hundreds of free apps that update yearly. Each tree is a living gift that could keep on giving for 100 years.

So, gather some friends and dig a hole. Drop in a tree, cover the roots, and do a little dance. Invite the gang back for the harvest each fall.

HOW TO RESERVE YOUR TREES NOW

Now is the time to order. We still have a broad selection, and we’ll ship your tree in time for spring planting. Local friends can pick up trees here on the farm.