DEAR FARMKETEERS: The Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists sets the Doomsday Clock. It is 3 minutes to midnight. That means we are closer to a global calamity than when the clock says 4 minutes before doom. It is a dark and serious business. But somebody has to do it. Two cheers for the scientists.
Our farm work is not as important. But we try to do a halfway decent job. Our task is to set the Cropsday Clock. It is a different kind of clock. It is just past midnight NOW.
FIRST CROPS WILL BE AT 4:00 PM! Now don’t get all literal. 4 o’clock means 4 months. It is a metaphor. Like when the atomic folks say 3 minutes, they don’t mean 3 actual minutes. Or like that phrase, “circle of friends.” Are you really in a circle? Or is it a disfunctional fractal rhombus of friends? To keep it simple, you say circle.
The Cropsday Clock is a circle, too. But it doesn’t mean we will have garlic when the hand hits 4. It doesn’t even mean we will have garlic at all. It simply means, “There will be something to eat in about 4 months.” That’s the best we can do.
Who has time to build a better clock? We are already busy with the next big thing: Gravitational Waves. Scientists finally found them this month, 101 years after Einstein said, “Go find them.” We will harvest gravity waves for sale at the farm this year if we can get them past the unicorn. (Unicorns do NOT like gravitational waves.)
We have our best people on it. The very same ones who first confirmed the Farmonic Oscillator, a foundational concept that undergirds all of our work here at The ‘Creek.
The team is led by our own Professor Jen. Her paper was featured on the cover of Physical Review Letters! That’s a different kind of cover girl. She blinded you with science! Title of paper: “Rigid Cluster Decomposition Reveals Criticality in Frictional Jamming.” Whatever you say, Prof!
Well, ‘Creekniks, Happy Leap Year. Let us conclude today’s message with a note about leaps—quantum leaps. When you say “quantum leap,” you are using it wrong. It doesn’t mean big. It means jumping from one discrete energy level to another, rather than sliding on a continuous spectrum. Most quantum leaps are small. Subatomic! Correct somebody next time they use it wrong. You’re sure to make a friend.
As you can see, farming isn’t kidstuff. It’s not all scenic vistas and warming our toes by the fire and Maw making hot chocolate and dogs snoring fitfully. It’s hard work. It’s hard MENTAL work and it gets us down. But with your love and encouragement, we make it through. The countdown has begun. Tune in each month to watch the Cropsday Clock go tickety-tock. Hope to see you at The ‘Creek.
