DEAR FARM FANS: Everybody’s great. Everyone gets a trophy. As it is in life, so it is on the farm. But peach season has begun and, truth be told, some of you will come out ahead while some of you will end up sulking. That’s because—even though it’s not a competition—many vainglorious locavores positively shrivel at being outdone.
We don’t like to stir the pot, but one local family just dropped 26 jars of peach whoopass on y’all. Dedicated pickers Brenden, Cari, and Isabella came out last week when everybody was pooh-poohing our low sugar culinary peaches… and just look at what they did. Picked 3 boxes of peaches and made a winter’s worth of preserves. Booyah.
Running up the score, Brenden’s tribe also picked 25 pounds of cukes which made 36 jars of pickles. (Cukes are picked out for the moment, so to the winners went the spoils.) Thanks to Brenden for sending the inspiring pics and bringing his gang to the farm. He said, “We think it’s very important for our kids know where our food comes from.”
Anyway, the moment you’ve all been waiting for: Peaches sweet enough that you don’t need to add factory sprinkles.
Yes, the sweet peaches have been primping backstage with help from their eggplant handlers. Tuning and tweaking til they were fully on fleek. Ask at the stand which rows are picking. And just in case you get here after a heavy crowd, we have pre-picked peaches at the stand that you can get for the u-pick price, $1.50 a pound!
The moment you have NOT been waiting for: Pristine apples are ready to pick. Many of you can’t deal with apples emotionally yet. Apples make you think of the F-word. Fall.
But Pristines are ready and it’s still only July. Get up to the west end of Row 7 in the Dwarf Orchard and pick yourself a peanut butter vehicle.
Do you ever feel plum crazy? We’ve picked a few in our little orchard. Soft and juicy Gobstoppers. Drool.
Flowers continue in superabundance. Cut your own as you roam the foodlands. Or buy a bouquet designed in the mind of Farmer Alice.
Warning: Please do not pick baby eggplant. In fact, we haven’t opened the veggie fields yet, but Sneaky McSneakersons have snuck in and plucked the babes from their cribs. Too mean! Let them grow.
And now for something completely different. You can get your own apple crates for only $10—and use them for picking, hauling, furniture, decorations, whatever. We have a ton and you can choose the branded Indian Creek ones or the antiquey ones as you like.
Here’s the idea: Every time you pick a bushel of fruits and veggies, you end up using a few plastic bags. Those cost the farm a couple dollars, money that goes straight to the petroleum lobby. If you’re feeling old-fashioned and fruit-forward, try a wooden crate instead of the plastic bags. It’s a win-win.
You can buy wooden crates in stores for $17, $20, even $30. These are the farm-fresh article for only $10. Branded with an iron brand. Or pick the shabbier-chic version for adorning your garden. Heck it’s not even a bad price for kindling.
And finally a shout-out to our Silver Medal Customers-of-the-Week. Check out this tweet from farm fan Jhoanna. Awesome! See you round Facebook and Twitter, and hope to see you at The ‘Creek.
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Meanwhile, what do WE have to offer you? Nothing but a skanky old pepper that dangled here all winter. Or perhaps you would like to 
Well, we are tired of being second banana, so we surveyed you guys for new ideas. You sent brilliant suggestions, and we’ve been racking our brains for how to pull them all together. Here is what we have in store for you this year… 
We got a unicorn. That’s right. A fricking UNI. Go big or go home, right? Whatever about horses and cider. We’re going for timeless and magical. You will see this wondrous beast in the orchards come summer. Boo-yah! 
We’re not stopping there. Can you say PEGASUS? Yep, we ordered one of them, too. Came in last week. She’ll be giving free rides to children under 12 on Tuesdays. 
Did we mention our new CENTAUR? Grass-fed, free-range. If you squeeze peaches on the trees, you’ll be dealing with Old Stomp-n-Snort. Better to follow the rules. 
Not impressed? How about a Finger Lakes first — a real live GORGON. If you bite an apple and throw it on the ground, you’ll be turned to stone before you can say, “Honeycrisp.” 
